Je(ss)punzel
by mei-chan
Once upon a time, there was a young woman named Jessie. She had a slight problem… which was that she was still not married yet! At the age of 22, everyone in her village had already considered her as an “old maid”.
This was not good.
One day, just like any old day, Jessie heaved a heavy sigh. Suddenly out of nowhere… POOF! A strangely dressed fairy popped right in front of Jessie.
She took one look at it and burst out laughing. The fairy was annoyed, “I really hate dis job.” He muttered, and he then scratched Jessie with his newly sharpened claws.
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!” Jessie screamed in pain.
“That’s what you get for making fun of ya Fairy God-Pokemon!!” the fairy told her.
“Don’t you mean, Fairy God-mother?” Jessie asked.
“NOOOOOOO!! IT’S F-A-I-R-Y-G-O-D-P-O-K-E-M-O-N YA IDIOT!!!” The fairy screamed.
Jessie tweaked her ear. “Whatever. And who the he** are you?”
“I’m Meowth!!” the fairy-pokemon beamed. “I came here to help ya with ya little problem.”
“Well, I don’t need help. Go away.”
“NO!! WAIT!! I— ” Meowth tried to think of something to say, “I--- I can help ya get a rich and handsome husband!!”
Now that got Jessie’s attention. “Really? How?!” She gleefully asked.
Meowth smiled smugly, “Well…”
“Yes?” Jessie said excitedly.
Meowth took out the Fairy-Pokemon’s Guide of Matchmaking™ book. He flipped through the pages.
“How would ya like ta kiss a Bulbasaur? He’ll turn into a handsome-”
But before Meowth could finish his sentence, Jessie had bolted out the door.
*-*-*-*-*
Later that day…
“MEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWTH!!!!!!” a shrill voice screamed out.
“Uh oh…”
Jessie stomped into her cottage. Behind her were several love-struck Venisaurs…
“YOU LIAR!!!” she screamed with fire in her eyes.
Meowth shivered with fear. “Ah—ah--- Um….” He stammered.
“WHERE’S MY HANDSOME PRINCE?!”
Meowth took out his book ; “It says here that: ‘if ya kiss a Bulbasaur… 25% chance of it turning into a Venisaur… and 0.5% of it turning into a good-looking man…” He turned to Jessie. “So all ya need to do now is ta go kiss some more Bulbasaurs.”
“NOOOO!!” Jessie whacked Meowth with her handy dandy mallet.
Meowth looked through his book again. “How about eating a poison apple and then some Prince will come and wake ya up?”
“And what if that apple kills me?” Jessie said crossly.
Meowth flipped more pages of the book. “How about… a magical lamp that grants 3 wishes?”
“What if the wishes all backfire?”
* Flip * Flip * “How about waiting in a tower for a prince to pass by?”
“What if I become an old woman before the prince comes?”
Meowth angrily threw the book on to the ground. “That’s it! I’m tired of dis!!!” and he whipped out his magical wand.
POOF! He and Jessie were magically transported to a strange room.
Jessie stared at her surroundings. “Huh?” she asked, completely confused.
Meowth skimmed his book. “Okay!! Now ya haf ta change ya name ta Jepunzel.”
“Why?”
Meowth shoved the book right into Jessie’s face. “Cuz it says so.”
“I don’t like it!! Change it to Jesspunzel!” Jessie complained.
“NO!! It doesn’t sound right!!”
“Jesspunzel!!”
“JEPUNZEL!!”
“JEEEEEEESSPUUUUUNZEEEEL!!!!”
“JEPUNZEL! JEPUNZEL!!”
And so it continued like that the whole day…
*-*-*-*-*-
Days, weeks, and then months passed. Still no handsome prince showed up. In fact no one had passed by at all!
Je(ss)punzel was getting impatient but what could she do? Except wait and wait... Her hair grew longer by the day, which was a pain to brush.
But then one foggy day, while she and Meowth were combing her long hair, something BANGED the tower.
“Ow!!!” It was a stranger’s voice.
“Is it? IS IT?” Je(ss)punzel exclaimed happily. She and Meowth happily danced around the room.
“YES!!! YEEEEEEESS!!!” they both cried out.
“Um… HELLO? ANYONE THERE?” a guy’s voice yelled out.
“YES!! My name is Jesspunzel!! I’m stuck in a tower, won’t you come and rescue me?” Je(ss)punzel called out.
“…Do I have to?…” the voice answered back.
“YES YOU HAVE TO!!!” Je(ss)punzel screamed out.
“Fine… Um… the name’s James… Uh… And how do I get up?” the voice said.
Je(ss)punzel took a look at Meowth. “Alright, my dear Fairy God-Pokemon. Any bright ideas?”
Meowth thought it over carefully. He opened his Fairy-Pokemon’s Guide of Matchmaking book and scanned the pages.
“Ah ha!” he cried out. “Let down ya long hair so ya handsome prince can climb up the tower ta rescue ya!”
Je(ss)punzel shook her head. “No Way!!”
“It won’t hurt at all.” Meowth assured her.
Je(ss)punzel considered it for a moment. But the thought of a handsome prince waiting for her was too much.
“Okay.”
However…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GEEEEEEEEEET OFFFAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” Je(ss)punzel shrieked in pain when the guy named James had tried to climb up her hair.
“MEOWTH!!!!” Je(ss)punzel screamed with outrage. And because she was very irritated, Je(ss)punzel kicked the fairy god-pokemon straight into the air.
“Uh oh… Now how am I going to get out of here?” Je(ss)punzel realized her mistake.
*-*-*-*-*
Meowth flew up high, higher and very high. In fact, Je(ss)punzed had kicked him so hard that he landed straight into Pikachu the Head Pokemon Fairy’s Office.
“Pi? pi pi ka?” Translation: “What? You again?”
“PLEEEEAAASEEE!!!! DON’T SEND ME TA ANOTHER FAIRY TALE PARODY!!!” Meowth cried out.
“Pi ka. Pi pi pi pi chuuu” Translation: “Tsk, tsk. Then you shouldn’t mess up so much.”
“Dan ya not gonna…?” Meowth said with hope.
“Pi ka chu. PI!!!” Translation: “Not until you learn how to not mess up ANYMORE!!!”
And with a Thunder Shock™ poor Meowth was sent straight into another fairy tale.
And so no one lived happily ever after. Rumor has it that Meowth had gone to Japan and changed his name to Nyanse. Other rumor says that he had joined Team Rocket. And yet other rumor says that Meowth is on a T.V. series called Pokemon. Of course you all know which one is true… don’t you?
The End.
Meowth: I demand my own T.V. series!! Why does tat Pikachu get all da attention? Huh?! I can talk ENGISH!!! I’M ONE OF A KIND!! I WANT MY OWN SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!”